Eu Prattein

As a teenager, I used to be tolerant to the point of apathy, understanding towards every kind of behaviour, because I couldn’t assume that my thinking could be considered superior to anyone else’s.
No matter how bad something might have been, who was I to judge? Wasn’t there also some element of good one may find? Alas, wasn’t good and bad just a matter of personal opinion? And even if something was pretty lame, wasn’t it just the result of an understandable history of the individual?

While there are good points to be made in support of this view, I deem it a misunderstood relativism; relativism teaches us that the only absolutes are the ones we decide for ourselves. If we fall short of our own expectations, we are to blame. If you fall short of your own expectations, you are to blame.

Yet, if you do not have expectations and standards of your own, I feel free to apply mine. Because I may be wrong about them, I may be confused, and I do not pretend to be able to fully understand the complexity of life or to possess the formula to the right decision. But I decided my boundaries, and I won’t ignore that there is a common ground to what we do. I try to have some idea about what is right and what isn’t.

Yes, it is personal. But that’s not a deficit, that’s a virtue – as long as you understand what that implies.

When inevitably someone will come around pointing a finger at you or me, I expect us to be able to convincingly explain why our behaviour was right. Or wrong. Because we comfortably believe it ourselves. Not to avoid blame or wallow in it, but out of a well-understood sense of responsibility.

Look, another year went by,
They keep passing by,
God damn I didn’t even die…

Dredg – Matroshka (The Ornament)

Last month was abysmal. I’ve been disappointed, disgusted, disillusioned – by others, and by myself, as I’ve fucked up more things than I ever should.
That’s what happens when you start doubting what defines your life – your identity.

But at a certain point, self-recriminations about the past have to go. There can be no blank slate; but it helps to pretend there is. After all, if nothing feels right, then everything has got to change. It will anyway.

All things reconsidered, it’s time to move on.

Apologies to friends I failed in the meantime.

Most deep change takes a long time and hard work to complete – if it ends at all. A long time passes with little improvement, constantly wearying our motivation, nourishing the doubt. Or we recognize the need to scrap everything and start over.

It can be frustrating and disheartening.

And all we can do is accept it, ignore it, keep going – all the while our modern culture continuously pretends that there is an easy, pain-free, instantaneous and fun fix to everything.

I wish it were easier. I wish it would get easier. It isn’t, it doesn’t.

All we’ve got is our identity to know what to do, discipline to keep on with the routine and endurance to bear the weight of the time it takes.

Also sprach Zarathustra im Steigen zu sich, mit harten Sprüchlein sein Herz tröstend: denn er war wund am Herzen wie noch niemals zuvor.
(Friedrich Nietzsche, Also sprach Zarathustra, Der Wanderer)

“…we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit”
(Will Durant on Aristotle’s Ethics)

Here’s a thought experiment: Imagine our “self” to be the sum of our habits, and that X-kind of people are just persons who repeatedly do X. Changing our habits would simply require to recognize repeating patterns and act differently before they are triggered and fully unfold.

Inertia hindering our progress would not be lazyness, being just another habit, but a failure to disrupt unwanted patterns as they appear; a failure to replace them with those we want.

Not strength of will would change us, but simply the quiet breaking of habits.

Sometimes, feelings we attach to something makes it difficult to discern between the thing itself and its meaning to us. Sometimes we believe our own tunnel vision and fail to distinguish between “milestones” and goal. Sometimes, we only see checkboxes instead of actions, actions instead of results, results instead of goals and goals instead of our life.

Purpose is feeling.

Purpose is an aim.

Purpose is relevance to health, happiness, survival, mediated by values. Relevance to our life and the life of our kind.

To think about purpose is to force yourself to distinguish between the even immediate effect of things and the things itself.

Purpose is not a thing. Things are means.

Talk – it’s only talk
Arguments, agreements, advice, answers, articulate announcements – it’s only talk

Talk, it’s only talk
Babble, burble, banter, bicker bicker bicker, brouhaha, balderdash, ballyhoo – it’s only talk
Back talk

Talk talk talk, it’s only talk
Comments, cliches, commentary, controversy, chatter, chit-chat, chit-chat, chit-chat, conversation, contradiction, criticism – it’s only talk
Cheap talk

Talk, talk, it’s only talk
Debates, discussions, these are words with a d this time -
Dialogue, duologue, diatribe, dissention, declamation
Double talk, double talk

Talk, talk, it’s all talk
Too much talk, small talk, talk that trash
Expressions, editorials, explanations, exclamations, exaggerations – it’s all talk

Elephant talk? Elephant talk? Elephant talk!

(King Crimson – Elephant Talk, from their 1981 album “Discipline”)

It doesn’t scale.

“(…) scalability is a desirable property (…) which indicates its ability to either handle growing amounts of work in a graceful manner, or to be readily enlarged. (…) If the design fails when the quantity increases then it does not scale.” (Wikipedia)

Perfection is an unhealthy illusion, a shiny halo over a grey goo of unspecific wishes. There is nothing that could not be spoilt by arguing humans and changing conditions.

Granted.

Yet, we should strive for flawlessness and emulate what we admire. Not as an abstract ideal, but in the messy reality of our lives. First drafts suck for the same reason why masterpieces are not instantaneous; but is that an excuse for leaving it at that?

Not making things better is a decision against improvement; which is legitimate if you deem something not important enough to warrant the extra effort. After all, it is ludicrous to pretend giving 100% in everything you do.

But boundaries go both ways. To deny more effort is only credible if you have reasonable standards of adequacy. Not only will people judge you by what you do; you should, too. Avoid putting something out into the world with which you cannot identify. If you lack the discipline to consistently reach your minimum standards, you should reconsider the relation between what you do and what you want.

After all, if everything is “good enough”, can there be any lasting sense of pride in your achievements?

We need priorities. Our wants, needs and external expectations are complex, whilst time is linear; due to our limitations, we need to decide about importance.

Potentials are paralyzing; only clear decisions deliver us from apathy and meaninglessness. Thus we prioritize, even unconsciously, acting upon one thing instead of something else.

Without consciously discarding all other possibilities in favour of your current occupation, other ones will seem legitimate pretenders to your time and make you feel that you actually should or could be doing them instead. So be judgmental about the use of your time and don’t bother with stupid bullshit. Especially if it isn’t fun.

Stop pretending you “have to” do something; what seems to be a fact of life probably isn’t. Don’t presume actions are required “just because”; ask about their purpose. Don’t ignore; decide.

Remember you could say no, in spite of the consequences. Think about the implications of (dis-)agreement, its purpose and possible alternatives instead, decide what you prefer and deem right. Act accordingly.

Only saying no more often makes your yes meaningful.

I often get asked what the meaning of my website’s name, domain and e-mail address is. First and foremost, “eu prattein” is ancient Greek; the translation I would give is “to do well”, for “to do well” encompasses both the literal translation “to act (prattein) well”, and “to fare well” (eu prattein), which is the dictionary definition.
To me, eu prattein means that happiness (eudaimonia) is the meaning of life, and that we achieve it by acting well – by doing the right thing.
Prattein.eu is a reminder for me to act, but to do it well. The Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle are a great read if you want to understand the mindset behind this reasoning. If all our actions serve a purpose, there has to be a highest purpose, which is happiness.
This is not about some god or religion, it’s about being yourself – your best self; something called Arete.